I live in Madison, Wisconsin - by most people's estimation, a very tolerant city. It's a city full of diversity, a haven for the arts, a college town (primarily UW Madison, my employer), and all-in-all a great place to live. Sure, we have our share of crime - who doesn't, in this day and age - but overall, it's a place I'm proud to call home.
However, having said all that, there is one more thing that you need to know about me - I am obese. I've been obese all my life, or at least for as long as I can remember. I've lost more pounds over the years than most people will ever weigh - even me! I'm not a little chubby - I'm very heavy. I've had two (yes, two) gastric surgeries and everything that comes along with that. I'm not a big eater, and I exercise frequently - but I'm still way overweight.
So - that brings me to my final point. In a world full of political correctness, when making a nasty crack about someones race, hair color, physical disability, sexual orientation or age is unforgiveable, it is apparently still perfectly fine to say anything you want about or to an obese person. People who have never had a weight problem make a whole set of (usually incorrect) assumptions about obese people (and yes, I'm using the word "obese", which I abhor), including:
- They are too lazy to exercise
- They eat too much - they need to just push back from the table
- They are unclean
- They are jolly, happy souls
- They don't know they are fat (so you feel an obligation to tell them)
- They're too stupid to know better
- They aren't trying - if they'd try, they wouldn't be fat
These people have no idea who I am, what I am, or what I've done in my life. All they see is my fat. They are missing something extraordinary when they do that. I've given up making excuses for myself, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt!
That's enough for now - I'll write more later this week.
First of all *hugs*. Second I understand what you are saying. I wasnt big growing up, in fact I was pretty thin throughout high school until my hormones went all out of whack due to PCOS and I gained a lot of weight. It is very hard to lose the weight and I do try. I am considered obese as well, but to be honest so is about 85% of Americans. It does hurt, but outside beauty only gets you so far. Its whats inside that really does count!
ReplyDeletemy my, we have more in common than I realized! I too had gastric bypass and struggle with weight. I topped the scales at 340 and in April 2003 had it done. The first 60 or so lbs fell off, the rest I have had to work my ass off (litterally)! I am now just over 200 lbs and work out 4-5 days a week. I still see myself at that fat man and am sure it will take years to change that part of the social abuse I endured! I am here rooting for you also feeling your pain. xoxo Marco
ReplyDeleteYou are the most beautiful woman I know. I love who you are inside and outside. I understand the weight issue and stigma's surrounding certaining health problems. I'm not going into detail here, but I think you are amazing and absolutely am honored to be your BFF. =)
ReplyDeleteWell said, clearly and powerfully - but what else would we expect from you? *grin*
ReplyDeleteI too have "always" been overweight, since 3rd grade. I've never made an ongoing, concerted effort to lose weight, though I have many times made a good start, only to have it fall off after weeks or months. I am convinced that part of this is ADD, but a lot of it is the really damned hard feedbacks that get in the way.
I like what Marc Ambinder had to say about this here, especially this: The implicit premise is kind of insidious: it assumes that Benjamin is grossly overweight, which isn't true; it erases the distinction between obesity and being a few pounds too heavy; and it replicates the harmful cultural assumption that weight loss depends on willpower and choice and has little to do with culture, society, environment or physical space.
I've been swimming fairly consistently for the last 3 weeks, and have found my energy is up, and I want to keep at it... the trick, as always, is to figure out what gets in the way of that, and see if I can get ahead of those factors.
As with so many other changes in life, I think being able to talk and share with others about this is critical... and so I thank you for being bold enough to do this here.