Falling In Love - In 140 Characters (or less)

Most of you know that I’m on Twitter. Many of you know me BECAUSE I’m on Twitter. Twitter has been a huge adventure for me. If you had told me a year ago that I would have a Twitter account that I spent hours on every day, I’d have thought you were crazy! No way that was going to happen! I didn’t even understand how Twitter worked! Like chat, only to the whole world??? What on earth would make me want to do that???

I actually got started on Twitter at a conference. Some folks from UW Milwaukee gave a presentation about how they were using Twitter to increase communication on campus. As a demo, they set up a hashtag to tweet conference information. Since I always hate to be left out of anything, I decided to give it a try. At first I was pretty shy – I only tweeted once, when asked to by the session moderator. And actually, for quite some time after that, I didn’t do much – I followed a few people from UWM that I knew – then found a few others. I never seemed to think I had anything to say, so I pretty much just lurked. Then, oddly enough, some people found me – local people at first – and I started following them, too. One of them, a really smart funny guy named Denny Griffin, who goes by the twitter name of @wipoolplayer, tweeted some really interesting facts, quotes, music, etc., and I started to RT (re-tweet) him. Soon, I was finding other interesting people through him, and it sort of snowballed from there.

I have met some wonderful people on Twitter – some local, some that I will probably never meet IRL (in real life), but who have become more dear to me than I would ever have I imagined. One of them, a lovely incredible woman named Bev Wallace (@nursebevw on twitter) has become perhaps the closest female friend I have ever had. Bev is amazing for many reasons – she is a former nurse who can no longer work due to pain caused by Celiac Disease, Fibromyalgia, and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Since she can’t work, she has channeled her considerable talent and energy into trying to help others. She has founded a charity called “Crafters With Love” (www.crafterswithlove.com) and has recruited others to assist as well. Many days, she runs things from her bed, with a laptop and a telephone. I can’t tell you how honored I was when she asked me to sit on her board of directors – as vice president, no less! Bev and I talk many times each day, mostly on twitter, sometimes via email. I’ve also become close to the rest of the wonderful, talented Crafters With Love group – John Lusher (@johnlusher), Roxie Hobart (@petpaint) and Amy Walker (@ivysunny). These people are all amazing in their own ways, and honestly, I couldn’t ask for a better group of friends and associates. And in most cases, I’ve gotten to know them only on Twitter, where each thing you say (tweet) has to be 140 characters or less.

Imagine if you had to speak to people in only sentences limited to 140 characters. (There is a very funny youtube video on that subject, by the way). But that’s the way it is, and we’ve all been doing it. I’ve seen friendships begin and flourish – I’ve even seen new love relationships begin. I have, myself, recently met someone who I am beginning to feel very close to – and who knows where it might lead? And it all began with 140 character tweets – funny, sad, silly, boring, interesting, friendly, angry – you name it. I’ve met local people that I dearly love, but might never have run across any other way – like my dear friend Stacy Snook (@stacysnook) who I just met in person for the first time last night, at a “TweetUp” that she and two other locals, Jenna Borum (@chivetalker) and Chad Schomber (@chadschomber) organized at a downtown brewpub. Stacy is also an amazing person – a mother, wife, business owner, and cancer survivor. She and I are looking forward to getting to know each other better in person, as well as tweeting each other pretty much every day. And I met other terrific people there as well – a group from Milwaukee came in and were definitely the life of the party! It was a wonderful evening which left me feeling blessed to find new friends.

The bottom line for me is that, much like FaceBook, Twitter is about connecting. One difference is that on FaceBook, you mostly connect with people you already know. With Twitter, you are connecting with a whole world of people, most of whom you DON’T know. So yes, you have to be careful – there are some sick, twisted people out there – and some people who use others with no regard for their feelings – they are people trying to get you to look at the slutty pictures, sell you teeth whiteners or any of a million things, and invest in their ground floor “opportunities”. There are chances for misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and anger. It is not a world for children. But for me at least, the opportunities to have my life enriched far outweigh the negatives. So, in the final analysis, Twitter is about finding people you can love and support, and who will do the same for you.

Learning To Love Me

I’m a giver. Always have been, probably always will be. I give money, time, effort and love. I support, comfort, amuse and listen. I am honest and outgoing, without being a social butterfly. That’s just who I am, and those qualities are not ones that I feel compelled to change. They are qualities that I like about myself, and that I am attracted to in others.

However, while I know all these things about myself, I still tend to concentrate on the negatives, and relegate the positives to the been-there, done-that pile. I pick at myself constantly, finding fault with what I accomplish and berating myself for what I do not. I have always been my own worst enemy and the person that I am most critical of. My friends frequently upbraid me for making self-deprecating comments and jokes. I guess I’ve always thought that, if I say it first, nobody could hurt me by saying it to me. Strange thinking? Probably.

In the past couple of weeks, I took another blow to my fragile self-esteem. I‘ve written before about my sadness over my lack of success with relationships. It always seems like I get just so close – then it all falls apart. In this case, I had a date with someone I met online, but had not yet met in real life. I was very excited – had my nails done, got a pedicure, and even got my hair cut, colored and styled. About mid-day the day before, he let me know that it wasn’t going to work out – that he was going to have to work and wouldn’t be able to make it to town. I was, of course, very disappointed, but assumed we would reschedule. What I found out afterwards, is that he lied – he didn’t have to work; he got “a better offer” – a younger, slimmer, blonde offer.

Of course, true to form, the person I blamed was me. At first, I blamed myself for being undesirable. Then I blamed myself for getting into the situation in the first place. It took almost a full day for me to turn that situation around and, instead, blame the jerk who stood me up. But although I intellectually understand that he’s the one to blame, my emotions still told a different story. All those years of feeling inadequate came tumbling back and landed in a pile on top of me. I felt sad that, once again, I’d failed to be attractive enough, and I’d ended up alone again.

Here’s the kicker though – he never even met me! He had seen pictures of me- mostly shots of just the top part of my body. He never even bothered to read this blog to find out who and what I am. He didn’t really know who he had a date with. Truthfully, I don’t know why he wanted to see me in the first place – I guess he was attracted by my flirtatious manner online. After he told me he was going to be coming to see me, I told him that I was a big girl – I didn’t want to see a look of disappointment or shock on his face the first time he saw me. He said that didn’t make any difference to him – he was excited to see me. But in the end, it did matter. It mattered enough for him to stand me up in favor of someone completely different from me. He never even gave me a chance to disappoint him.

So why beat up on myself? Because that’s always my first impulse in any negative situation – it must be Kathy’s fault – she either did something wrong or she isn’t “good” enough, or … well, whatever – you get the picture. Let’s face it – this guy is a jerk, and that has nothing to do with me. I may not be arm candy, but I am a warm, loving, attractive woman with lots to offer the right guy. The right guy has just never come along – maybe he never will – but that doesn’t change who I am or my capacity for love and enjoyment of life. It would very much like to have a partner who wanted to share that life with me. That doesn’t mean that I should “settle” – I deserve a great guy! If a great guy never appears in my life, that’s too bad – but I will still be who I am. And that just has to be good enough.

The First 50 Pounds

This is going to be a fairly short post (at least I think it is!). On my last weigh-in on Sunday, my weight took my total lost up to just over 50 pounds. And while that is not nearly as much as I need to lose, it represents a huge leap for my confidence. For me, it says “You can do this. You are doing it. You will continue doing it”. It is a success. And I can’t begin to express how important it is to celebrate every success, no matter how insignificant it might seem to others. The long-term goals are very useful, and keep you focused on the totality of what you are trying to achieve. But it is hard to sustain day-to-day enthusiasm for a project if there are not recognized, interim goals and achievements.

I used to live in the future. (No, I’m not Jane Jetson, or a character on a sci-fi show.) Living in the future means that I put of everything until some later, hoped-for event had occurred. A few examples: “When this project is over, I’ll take some time off to spend with my family”. “After I lose weight, I’ll try dating again”. “When the economy is better, I’ll try to start saving some money.” “One of these days they’ll come up with a diet drug that really works; then I’ll lose some weight.” What I’ve finally learned is that the future never comes. The future is always the future – the future is never now. If you put things off waiting for something that might happen in the future, you’re screwed. Now just might be the only future you will ever have.

So, although I have a lot more to lose, I’m celebrating my first 50 pounds lost. Instead of celebrating by eating, I got a manicure and pedicure; then I got my hair colored, cut and styled so I feel like I look as great as I feel. I’m acknowledging all the hard work that I have done to get to this point. And I’m looking forward to working on the next 50 pounds – not just for the weight that will be lost, but for the growing I will do while I work on it.