Friendship - and Judgment

As many of you know, I have been very active on Twitter for quite some time. I have made many friends, both people I’ve since met in person, and those who remain friends from afar. I value each of these as much as the other – whether I’ve met them or not, I still feel the same bonds of friendship and respect for them. I treasure their friendship, and it doesn’t matter to me if their political or life-style choices are absolutely opposite of mine – I try to listen respectfully and consider what they have to say and how they feel. Several of my friends espouse opinions that I disagree with, and that’s just fine with me. Some of my friends have made choices in their lives that I would not have made, and I still love them and do not judge them harshly because of it. Everyone has to do what they think is right for them, and hopefully what is in favor of their own lives.

As many of you who regularly read my blog know, I am involved with someone I met on Twitter. Our relationship is complicated by many factors, not the least of which is that he is married to someone else. He has not been happy in that marriage for a number of years, but still feels responsibility and cares about his wife. We went through a very traumatic break-up in December, but found that we can’t stand being apart. We weren’t looking for someone to love, but we found each other anyway, and have become extremely close and loving. While we have not yet met in person, we will very soon, as I am flying to meeting him in just over 2 weeks. I don’t know what the future holds for us, and neither does he. We are taking this one day at a time. More than anything else, he is my best friend – the one person I can talk to for hours on end and tell absolutely anything.

I’ve been very honest about the relationship here in my blog, and with my friends. This had a consequence I never imagined – one of my friends, someone I loved and felt at least somewhat close to, and had met in real life – has dumped me because she feels that I am a “scarlet woman”, leading a married man to perhaps leave his wife and family, but certainly to betray them. I can understand her point – this is not a role I would have ever imagined myself in – but I am not doing anything to damage their marriage. The real marriage ended years ago – now they simply have a life together. I didn’t do that – they did that themselves. And even though they tried to fix it at the time, it was just too badly broken. And while he is honoring his commitment to her, he needs love and intimacy in his life, as I do. In truth, he is my soul mate, and I believe I am his.

So – why did she feel the need to shun me because of my choice to love this man? Why did she feel that I need to be condemned and removed from her life? Why could she not simply express her disapproval (I would never deny her the right to do that), but still love me and care about me? That’s how I would have treated her – and how I expect that real friendship should work. If you are really friends, you “have your friend’s back”, regardless of your opinion of their actions, so long as they do not hurt you personally.

Everyone should live by their own beliefs and standards. But they should not expect others to necessarily do the same. Real friends don’t condemn, even if they disapprove. Real friends love you in spite of your shortcomings or bad choices. Much to my sorrow, clearly she was not a real friend.

Things I'm Thankful For

My three prior posts have all been about my pain and anger. In this post, I want to talk about what and who I'm grateful to and for. There is so much more to my life than the pain and anger - I just needed to get that out before I could move on to the more positive aspects - plus I wanted to give my readers some context for where I am now.

First and foremost, I'm glad to be alive. There were lots of days/weeks/months when that was not the case. On two occasions, I even tried to end my own life, because I just didn't want to deal with the pain any longer. Hopefully, those times are past now. Every day that I see is another chance for happiness, satisfaction and accomplishment. I hope that I can keep focusing on that.

Next, I'm grateful for my friends and family. I have a lot of new and very dear friends that I've met just recently - most of them I've never actually been face-to-face with. They are part of my "twambly" - my twitter family. Especially close to me are @nursebevw, @Caribpop, @KimPossible40, @KimberleKelly, @mbreinholt, @a_simple_girl, @car4dave and @dashingclaire. Some of these are also now my Facebook friends. To anyone who has not experienced the power of social media, this has been an awesome way to connect and share. My Facebook family, mostly people I have met and/or see on a daily basis are also the best. They give me friendship, encouragement, and love.

I'm grateful for the SynVisc shots that have let me regain a portion of my mobility so that I can walk (short distances without pain) and work out in the pool. Without them, I'd be in a wheelchair. And I'm grateful to the orthopedic surgeon who suggested them, after dashing my hopes of an immediate knee replacement.

I'm grateful to Rob Nevins for launching the Skinny Switch Secret diet site. Rob's theory of what we need to do to keep our bodies burning fat resonated for me. Ergo another grateful: I've lost 43 pounds since mid-April and hope to keep it going using Rob's plan.

I'm thankful for that 43 pounds for many reasons, most of which you can probably guess. The most important of those is that I feel better - I have more stamina, it's easier to breathe, and my clothes are more comfortable - loose instead of skin tight.

I'm thankful that I've kept up my membership to Harbor Athletic Club for all these years, even when I didn't use it. Harbor has a warm water pool that gives people like me (fibromyalgia, arthritis, limited mobility) the opportunity to move, stretch, and strengthen. I've gone from barely being able to get in and out of the pool, to doing a full 1 1/2 hour workout 3-4 times a week, which includes running laps (currently up to 25 - from 2) in the deeper end. In many ways, this has been as instrumental to my weight loss and improved health as the diet.

I am VERY grateful that my son is still alive and also losing weight by cooking for me and following the same diet. I've been very worried about him - he has heart problems and diabetes on both sides of the family. I'm so happy that he has finally found something he can live with.

I'm grateful that it's summer. I feel so much better physically and emotionally when I can get outside and enjoy the warm weather, the pool, the flowers, etc.

I'm extremely grateful that I'm working on trying to lose weight and get fit again. There was a time when I thought I'd given up and would just have to suffer the consequences and that fate was not on my side. Thankfully, I've found out that I'm a fighter, not a quitter, and that anything just might be possible if you are willing to do that hard work.

Finally, I'm grateful to all of you who are taking the time to read my posts and take this journey with me. Bless you all for your friendship and support!!